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Joke of the Day

"If you knew what I considered to be my ""best behavior"" it's doubtful you'd advise me to be ""on it""."

"Do you love hiding electrical outlets? Well an exciting career in hotel design might be just what you're looking for!"

"I asked Jesus what he did before he died He said ""Not much. I was just getting hammered and hanging out all day."""

"Over the weekend, my girlfriend called me a pedophile. I said ""Wow, that's an awfully big word for a 12 year old."""

"Me: Help! i need my stomach pumped. 911 Operator: Did you ingest poison, ma'am? Me: No. Pizza."

"What couldn't the lifeguard save the hippie? He was to far outtttttttttt........ Ha weeeeeeed."

"What is Mary and Joesph's Favorite Snack? Jeez-its"

"What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Ferrari? I don't have a Ferrari in my garage"

"How do the fish get to school ? By octobus !"

"I don't care about following a 'funny' celebrity from tv on Twitter-instead I look up who writes for their show then follow that person."