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Joke of the Day

"Aliens must know that we're an easily conquerable race if they've ever seen us try to cancel a printer job."

"Ladies, if you think being clumsy is cute, I once stabbed my date in the gums with a fork trying to feed her a bite of spaghetti"

"What do you do if your dishwasher stops working? Punch her"

"Have you seen the new Asian cookbook? ""How to wok your dog."" Credit goes to my friend Steve"

"I just bought shoes from a drug dealer... ... I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day."

"What is long, green and smells like pork? Kermit's finger."

"*jumps from the earth to the moon* PARKOUR"

"""The total cost would be 3000,"" said the funeral director. ""And that includes digging the grave."" ""Is that the whole thing?"" I asked. He replied, ""Yes, that's the hole thing."""

"Yo mama, so fat.... that when she walked outside to get the mail, it measured on the Richter Scale."

"I like my women like my salad Undressed"