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Joke of the Day

"ME: Ugh hate summer when bees are flying everywhere BEE [angrily undoing seatbelt on plane] I'm gonna sting him BEE WIFE:Just leave it David"

"My 8 year old daughter said she needed a new head coach at school I figured why not have my wife be the new head coach? She's great at it!"

"George Washington wasn't arrogant, but he did predict the $1 bill would contain his likeness. In that regard, he was on the money."

"What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? Lic-Alot-O-Puss"

"what did the gay sperm say to his compatriot? ""HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO FIND OUR WAY THROUGH THIS SHIT?"""

"Anyone who says having a child is the best moment of their life has obviously never had two mars bars fall out of a vending machine at once."

"What do you call a painter with a brown finger? Picasso"

"Got a tattoo of a digital watch on my wrist. I regretted it literally one minute later."

"A Comprehensive Guide on How to be Like Jesus 1. Be a carpenter. 2. Be a nice guy. 3. ??? 4. Prophet."

"Fun way to prank Jesus is to invite him snorkeling haha he'd be stuck on top walking on the water while ur underneath having all the fun"