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Joke of the Day

"After years of intense research, I have come to the conclusion that dryer lint is actually the cremated remains of all my other socks."

"IAN: Just how do fleas jump so high? ME: Your guess is as good as mine I: I reckon they wear tiny tiny Air Jordans M: Ok I take that back"

"My wife said I'm an idiot who can't do the simplest of things right So I packed her bags and left."

"The kids wanted the Zero Gravity Laser Racer, a toy car that follows a laser. I handed them a flashlight and pointed at the cat."

"What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea? Nothing. They're both on Reddit EVERY FUCKING DAY."

"If homosexuals come out of the closet, do necrophiliacs come out of the casket?"

"I judge every book by its cover: ""Too smart for me"" is what I say and then look at Twitter on my phone."

"How do you kill a blonde? Put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool."

"I got rear-ended in traffic the other day Thank God i wasn't in my car."

"Why did Hitler pass out? he saw the gas bill"