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Joke of the Day

"My phone can hold 5000 songs or 1 voicemail from my mom"

"My friend told me to stop acting like a flamingo I just had to put my foot down."

"what did the infant cannibal think of the premature section of the nursing ward it was a preemie-yum buffet"

"If he pauses a video game to text you, he's probably already losing, no need to feel special or anything,"

"What do you call a deer with no eyes? No i-dear What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs? Still no i-dear"

"There are now 4 sides to every story. Yours, mine, the truth & the Internets version."

"Is there a way to politely throw breathe mints in someone's mouth while they're talking?"

"What do Buddhists eat to help keep themselves balanced both physically and spiritually? Cottage chi"

"Everyone keeps guessing who Rey's parents are, but who delivered her as a baby? OB-Gyn Kenobi"

"Jaws is exceptionally funny if you just imagine the shark is trying to be friends with the guys on the boat and they keep running away."