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Joke of the Day

"I went to the doctor. I went to the doctor with a stomach ache and I left with cancer! I was mad as hell!"

"Me: Your cat looks pregnant Friend: Impossible it's an indoor cat Me: What have you done"

"I'd like to tell a joke about Dratini... Only urbanites will get it."

"A ship carrying red paint collided with another that was carrying purple paint Both crews were marooned"

"What's the difference between a little kid and a lesbian? A little kid shouldn't run with scissors, a lesbian shouldn't scissor with the runs."

"Somewhere in the world right now, somebody is buying a house based on its potential for great bathroom selfies."

"Few things in life are more pleasurable than turning off the lights in a public bathroom while people are still inside"

"Why did the boy feel warm on his birthday? Because people kept toasting him!"

"If you're meeting someone, get to the place early so you'll have a few minutes to kick back and repeatedly text, ""Where are you"""

"Captain America: ok Avengers, we can defeat Ultron if we work as a team. Remember, no man is an island Island Man: oh come on not this again"