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Joke of the Day

"How did Helen Keller's parents punish her? Wash her hand out with soap. ... rearranged the furniture. ... put her in a round room and told her to go sit in the corner."

"What did the egg say to the boiling water? ""It might take awhile for me to get hard, I got laid this morning"""

"How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Just two, as long as there's a bed inside."

"Why did Newton's wife got pregnant? Because he doesn't believe in using quantum"

"Goldilocks taught me that you can get away with breaking into a brown family's home and stealing their food, as long as you're a white girl."

"My friend asked me ""if you could have any super power in the world, what would it be?"" I said Cold War Russia."

"Yo momma so fat... I took a picture of her last Christmas and it's still printing."

"What do you call a charming tool? A rake"

"Hell is nothing but a bunch of moms asking for help with their laptops."

"What's the difference between zombies? Q: What's the difference between zombies? A: Zombies make honey, and zombies don't."