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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between Elliot Rodger and an egg? [x-post from r/4Chan] An egg gets laid before it cracks. [Source:](http://i.imgur.com/L4kXpw8.jpg)"

"What does going down on an old woman and a pork pie have in common? You have to bite the crust and lick out the jelly before you get the meaty bit."

"So a Korean ferry capsized with over 280 people lost overboard. Not entirely a waste. Now we have 280 extra divers looking for flight MH370."

"You know what the difference is between an chickpea and a garbanzo bean? I wouldn't pay $100 to have a garbanzo bean on my face."

"Spent over an hour at the wife's grave this morning. Bless her, she thinks I'm digging a pond."

"I went to the zoo, and the only animal they had was a dog it was a shih tzu."

"I'm ready to be a father now that I've successfully fed a goldfish for a week-he's so happy, he's relaxing & floating on his back...wait..."

"Mafia boss: ""I want him swimming with the fishes!"" *later at the coral reef* Me: ""This is amazing!"" Mafia boss: ""Anything for you."""

"I bet a cool thing would be to play musical chairs using toilets and call it ""Game of Thrones""."

"I've heard the crime rate in the Philippines drops when Manny Pacquiao fights... The crime rate also drops in Floyd Mayweather's home when Floyd Mayweather fights."