210455

Joke of the Day

"Mafia boss: ""I want him swimming with the fishes!"" *later at the coral reef* Me: ""This is amazing!"" Mafia boss: ""Anything for you."""

"Do you know cat owners are 50% less likely to suffer from a heart attack mainly because their hearts are already broken"

"What did Hitler eat for breakfast? Luftwaffes"

"My favourite porn category is the one where girls quote 19th century Irish writers Girls Gone Wilde."

"My mate asked me why I had sex noises saved on my iPod... I said, ""It's for sound effects during sex"". He asked, ""Ah, is the wife a bit quiet in the bedroom?"" ""No,"" I replied, ""I work in a morgue."""

"He was like, 'We're all slowly dying' So I was like, 'WRONG' and I threw him in front of a moving bus."

"How far can a rabbit run into the woods? Halfway. After that she's running out of the woods."

"I bet you one dollar I can touch your tit without touching your clothes fuck it, it's just one dollar"

"What do you get when you mix T and C? Angry British people!"

"What did GB say to EU? Peace out, EUROn EUROwn!"