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Joke of the Day

"A $7 voucher at the airport is like having 100 skeeball tickets at Chuck E Cheese: it sounds good on paper but won't get you anything decent"

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"[aliens talking] ""They call it a sel-fee"" A photograph of oneself? ""Sometimes several"" But why? ""We have one theory"" Go on ""They're idiots"""
"That awkward moment when your friends are singing ""happy birthday to you"" and you don't know where to look."
"""The bad news is that you've had a stroke. The good news is that IKEA has hired you to name all their new products!"""
"When I drink alcohol, everyone says I'm an alcoholic... But when I drink Fanta, no one says I'm Fantastic."
"Why yes, I do live under a rock. It's called the moon."
"What did one sailor say to the other on Dec. 7 1941? There's a little nip in the air."
"Why is an Irish funeral cheaper than an Irish wedding? There's one less drunk."
"What did one empty beer bottle say to the other? ""I'm drunk."""
"3yo: make me oatmeal me: *poof* you're oatmeal 3yo: me: *makes oatmeal"