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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a dachshund with no hind legs and balls of steel? Sparky."

"I've been having a bad feeling lately.. I think one of my dads might be gay."

"What happens when a mean girl dies? They write an o-bitch-uary"

"[guy jokingly refers to america as 'murica, everyone starts applauding; I basically hork up a damn lung from laughing my shit off so hard]"

"This one time I swallowed a piece of string. When it came out it was all tied up. I shit you knot."

"[PHONE] ""TSA, How can I help you?"" Me: ""Why did you guys put my frog on the No-Fly List?!"" Agent: ""Umm..."" Me: ""DAMMIT, HE'S STARVING!"""

"Why does Reddit love Ronda Rousey so much? she hits women"

"Why did the cardiologist bake a cake with partially hydrogenated oil? Because he took the hypocritic oath"

"Your secrets safe with me.. I stopped listening to you 30 minutes ago..."

"I saw a beautiful pumpkin today... It was gourdeous."