223129
Joke of the Day
"I once had a goldfish that could break-dance on a carpet, but only for like 20 seconds..."
Next Joke
"ME: you know what they say, curiosity killed the cat CAT: that's awful why would they say that? ME: really? CAT: *dies*"
"[speed dating] Me: Periods. Her: Huh? Me: Do they go inside the quotation mark or outside? Her: In the US or the UK? Me: Let's get married."
"I think I speak for Earth when I say that I'm ready for Justin Bieber to turn to hard drugs and squander his wealth, eventually losing fame."
"""This is your Captain speaking. My co-pilot just bet me we can't do a barrel roll. So fasten your belts cuz I got five bucks riding on this"""
"Saw a guy masturbating on the bus today... Where does he get off?!? (credit to Hampton Yount)"
"What do piggys take when they are sick? Pigicillin!"
"When a topologist drops acid... ...is it called a Mobius Trip?"
"What superhero consists of only 16 atoms? Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na BATMAN!!"
"At 1am I'm going to wake up my 2 year old by yelling his name and crying. Then, I'll crawl into his toddler bed. Let's see how he likes it."