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Joke of the Day

"What happened when Apple added the new touchbar? They're taking away functions, and there's no escape."

"How do you tell if a black woman is pregnant? All the cotton has been picked from her tampon."

"Interviewer: your resume says you were a waiter Me: yes that's right Interviewer: where at Me: out in the lobby right before this interview"

"How many Vietnam vets does it take to change a light bulb_ You can't know man, you weren't fucking there."

"[OC] Got approved for a 15 year 3.25% Mortgage loan 4.20 was too high for a 30 year ....... sorry I'll see myself out."

"I'd rather be hit in the face with a shit-filled sock than to ever attempt helping my parents install a DVD player over the phone again"

"If TV has taught us anything, it's not to get on a boat with a man we have just started dating, for it is there that he will murder us"

"What kind of dance do buns do? Abundance."

"Daddy, why is grandma so bitter? I don't know, son; seems to run in the family. Your great uncle tasted awful"

"I think a cool anti-hero would be Aeon Netflux ...except during fights she would stop every 2 minutes to ""rebuffer"", and her selection of moves would be extremely limited."