170099

Joke of the Day

"How many Vietnam vets does it take to change a light bulb_ You can't know man, you weren't fucking there."

"How many potatoes does it take to kill an irish family? None"

"ME: My husband says you use special traps that put the mice outside to play with their friends EXTERMINATOR [LOOKS AT HUSBAND]: umm, yeaahh"

"I bought some pot from a T-Rex ... ... he was a small arms dealer."

"These days, satisfying my sex drive is like using Uber. It's a nervous ride with a stranger who expects to be paid after we reach the end."

"What's it called when you sneak into a homosexual wedding? A gay-tecrash Dad joke, right there"

"What did one Snow Man say to the other? Hey, you smell carrots?"

"My girlfriend left me because of the way I face the toilet paper. I told her I can't help it... That's just how I roll."

"we need a cold and annoying genius type, who should we cast? [Benedict Cumberbatch claws at the office window] hmmm who to cast? [he meows]"

"Did you hear Trump announce he's doing one more season of Apprentice? Winner gets to be V.P."