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Joke of the Day
"Million dollar idea: let's start a Twitter swear jar"
Next Joke
"My German friend brought his newly-bought laptop to me... ...and said ""I shouldn't have bought one with a English keyboard. Can you tell me what this is?"" He then pointed at the space bar."
"Thank you to all the people who tweet landscape pictures so we don't forget what it looks like outside"
"me: *pretending to know about vegetables to impress the cashier* corm is one of my favorite yellows *gingerly taps banana*"
"""Oh, hey! I didn't even recognize you!"" means ""I saw you and tried to avoid you, but here you are."""
"Jesus said to love your neighbor, but makes no mention about putting up with their music at 3am."
"What do Winnie the Pooh and Attila the Hun have in common? The same middle name."
"What is the best contraceptive for old people? Nudity"
"A man walks into a psychologists office... wearing nothing but saran wrap. The psychologist says ""It's a good thing you came. I can clearly see your nuts"""
"Did you hear about the weightlifter who had a hole-in-one? He paid for the drinks all around with his barbell."