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Joke of the Day

"""It's been so cold lately..."" ""It's been so cold lately, that I think I saw a few democrats with their hands in their own pockets."""

"How many men does it take to open a can of beer? None. It should be open by the time she brings it to the couch."

"What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back"

"Coolest jobs: 1)Beer maker 2)Secretary of War 3)Ninja 4)Guy who pushes scared skydivers"

"A midget walks into a bar... The bar was set too low."

"""Meh-eh-eh. Meh-eh-eh"" - Apathetic goat."

"Two girls are playing in a sandbox One girl says: ""My daddy's penis is this big"" and holds her hands 8"" apart. The asian girl replies: ""My daddy's penis is only half that size. It still hurts."""

"""What were you before you came to school boys and girls?"" asked the teacher hoping that someone would say ""babies."" She was disappointed when all the children cried out ""Happy!"""

"[throwes some foam packing peanuts into a pond] ""HEY! NO LITERING--"" shh wait [a flock of rubber duckies float over squeaking excitedley]"

"I want to piss on the guy that stole my tweet, changed it slightly and submitted as his own on FunTweets and then set him on fire."