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Joke of the Day

"How many men does it take to open a can of beer? None. It should be open by the time she brings it to the couch."

"Boss: Are you high? Me: If I was high could I do this? B: What? You aren't doing anything M: sorry I'm super high. What was the question?"

"What does a duck always have behind him? His buttquack"

"I always go the extra mile... because I always miss the exit on the freeway."

"I know a guy who is addicted to brake fluid. He insists he can stop at anytime."

"Why did the man smear peanut butter on the road? To go with the traffic jam."

"Single beds Should date more."

"Next time your sit at a McDonald's playland and a parent asks you, ""Which one is yours?"" Say, ""I haven't picked one out yet!"" It's worth it."

"Whyisleatherarmorbestforsneaking? It'sliterallymadeofhide"

"A 22 year old girl said to me ""there's NO WAY you are 41"" I put her in my pocket and took her home. She's mine now."