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Joke of the Day

"I hate when I stand on a scale and it starts to cry and begs me to get off"

"The trouble with quotes on the internet. ""The trouble with quotes on the internet is that you can never know if they are genuine."" - Abraham Lincoln."

"What are the aardvark's favorite Beatle's songs? It's Been an Aards Day's Night and I Want to Hold Your Ant!"

"""2015 AND PETSMART STILL DOESN'T HAVE FITTING ROOMS,"" I say somewhat loudly as Fluffy has to try on sweaters right there in the aisle."

"I just saw 2 blondes walk into a bar. You'd think after the first one did, the second one would have stopped."

"Scott Walker is dropping out of the Presidential race. In a nationwide poll of likely voters nearly 98% responded to the news with, ""Who?"""

"America where we celebrate Memorial Day with mattress sales."

"I was making Ewok for dinner but I cooked it too long and it was like, a little Chewy. -- (Wil Shipley)"

"What's the difference between a Lentil and a Chickpea? I wouldn't pay $200 to have a Lentil on my face."

"What would you call a supervillain that could control every part of the electro-magnetic spectrum except 495-570 nm? Magento"