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Joke of the Day

"This outfit is called Running Into Someone I Know Would Be The Ultimate Worst Thing That Could Happen"

"I bought these sneakers from a drug dealer... He must have laced them with something because I've been tripping all day!"

"What do you call a Jew who is terrible with money? Bernie Sanders."

"Yes, Banner Ads, we want to check our Credit Scores. Almost as much as we want to pick people up at the airport and see our parents fucking."

"The Model Her Garb was just pure Garbage, and she had a silly old Bag: she drank so much that we all went Dutch.-and of course she lost her Rag."

"What colour animals have the most sex? Brown Chicken, Brown Cow"

"If pronouncing my b's as v's makes me sound Russian, Then soviet."

"People always say don't go to the grocery store when you're hungry. But I haven't eaten for a week and I'm getting really, really hungry."

"Q: What did the Production Manager give his kids for Christmas? A: Nothing. But he promised he'd make it up to them on the next one."

"I've squirted this entire bottle of No More Tears shampoo in this babies face, he's still crying, babysitting is hard."