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Joke of the Day

"Remember Doodle-Bob from Spongebob? So do I, guy was Sketchy as hell."

"Q. What's the best way to force a man to do sit ups? A. Put the remote control between his toes."

"Mommy what's an ""Act of God?"" Me: *Flashback to my CrossFit trainer* Well dear, an ""active god"" is in his mid-20s and has a smokin hot body"

"Why are manhole covers round? Because manholes are round."

"The guy who invented throat lozenges died last week. There was no coffin at the funeral"

"So I joined a fantasy football league I realize that I don't watch football, but I really wanted to see Gandalf pass the ball to Hermione only to be intercepted by a dragon."

"""At least Donald Trump says what he thinks."" Ah yes if only all racists would shout about it constantly the world would be a better place."

"What if... ... in like 30 years they made a film about Leonardo DiCraprio and how he never won an Oscar...and the actor who played him got an Oscar."

"My boss is having a colonoscopy today. I sure hope they find his head."

"[1st Date] (Okay, don't let her know you're addicted to eating fruit) Me: This is good [2nd Date] [3rd Date] [4th Date] [5th Date] Her: Stop"