221005

Joke of the Day

"So I joined a fantasy football league I realize that I don't watch football, but I really wanted to see Gandalf pass the ball to Hermione only to be intercepted by a dragon."

"It's a joke. What type of bagel can fly? A plain bagel."

"I am fed up with all these incest jokes about us Kentuckians. It's offensive to me as well as Uncle Dad."

"A guy says to a girl ""hey, can I smell your feet?"" She says ""NO!!"" ""Oh, it must be your pussy then."""

"I always wanted to be self-confident. Well, look at me now. Actually, don't."

"Clowns terrorizing the streets. A real life billionaire villain running for president. We need Batman more than ever."

"What did the sociopathic cannibal parachutist say? As soon as the people carrying soup cans in the backpacks arrive we can eat."

"How to sleep: 1. Lay down 2. Dim lights 3. Dwell about literally every mistake you've made in your life for 6 hours 4. Rest for 9 minutes"

"I tried to steal a didgeridoo from a museum... I didgeri-shouldn't-have-done-that. 3 years...."

"Me: lets go on a date Her: umm Me: what could go wrong *25 minutes later we are being chased by a pack of raccoons*"