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Joke of the Day

"I tried explaining to someone why smoking weed is bad for you. To be blunt, I don't think they were paying much attention."

"What's the difference between a gay guy and Hitler? About 45 degrees"

"Fuck a horse.... Enjoy a stable relationship"

"What do you call a snobbish criminal going down the stairs? A condescendant con descending."

"I socially identify as the guy who tried to jump off of the sinking Titanic but ending up hitting a massive propeller on the way down."

"Hey ladies, tired of your man complaining about how long it takes you to get ready? Start blow drying your hair in the nude. I promise no more complaints."

"Many of my tumblr friends identify as otherkin. Be it wolfkin, eaglekin or yes even fantasykin. I myself identify as a jedi. So I'm forcekin."

"clever pupil makes fool his teacher PUPIL: Teacher, would you punish me for something I didn't do? TEACHER: off course not. PUPIL: good, because I didn't do my homework."

"[stands up in church] Okay I'm starting to think some of this stuff isn't true you guys."

"Wait. I thought Fifty Shades of Grey was just a coloring book for dogs."