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Joke of the Day

"Wait. I thought Fifty Shades of Grey was just a coloring book for dogs."

"What color are Margaery's eyes ? Blue. One blew this way, the other one blew that way!"

"What kind of flour is independent? Self-Raising flour.. I'll get my coat."

"What's the difference between a chickpea and a lentil? I've never had a lentil on my face"

"Women say they want a guy who can make them laugh. I'd probably have done better if they'd specified that they didn't mean by tickling."

"What do you call a museum for cows? A moo-seum."

"Me: Hi, what's a good school binder for my 10yo girl here? Clerk: Trapper Keeper? Me: Haha, no, she's my own daughter."

"I just read a book about Stockholm syndrome. It was pretty bad at first, but by the end I kinda liked it."

"A woman walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a double entendre. So he gave her one."

"Fuck. Was just recorded by the google earth car. Just to be clear, I was jerking off NEAR pigeons, not TO them."