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Joke of the Day

"[stands up in church] Okay I'm starting to think some of this stuff isn't true you guys."

"TIL that Geneva has the biggest meeting place for Homosexual scientists in the world. It's called the ""Large Hardon Collider"""

"If I squint really hard, nope. You're still an idiot."

"Leave comments under the college videos on porn sites. Like, 'Kelly, you better be getting an A if you're fucking the professor. Love Mom'"

"Me and the other guys from the circus.... ... took a night off to see some stand-up comedy but he was really mean and cutting. He went straight for the juggler."

"Please deposit all your anti-jokes here:"

"Why haven't I ever met a full blooded jew? All of the ones I've met have just been Jew-ash."

"*accidentally answers phone call* *pretends to be answering machine*"

"My first day in prison & my giant cell-mate wants to play house. He asks me if I want to be Mama or Papa. I tell him I'll be Papa. ""Ok Papa. Now get over here and suck Mama's dick."""

"I get so fustrated when people say ""supposably"" or ""irregardless"" I feel like I'm literally drownding"