221956

Joke of the Day

"Alright guys, hit me with your best American joke. I'm an American and I need my ego checked. Ready, GO!"

"Military shouldn't hire people named Will."

"Oh, your pet loves you more than anyone else? No shit, if you controlled when I ate I'd be obsessed with you too."

"You have 2 coins that make 30 cents, one is not a nickle... One is a Quarter and the other is a nickle. I'll see myself out..."

"I play the triangle in a reggae band... ... I stand at the back and ting"

"A miser writes his will and names himself as the heir. This is actually one of the oldest known jokes. http://mentalfloss.com/article/57470/11-jokes-worlds-oldest-jokebook"

"I don't drink about you anymore."

"Walmart's hair salon doesn't charge extra to cut a live bat out of your hair."

"What sexual position produces the ugliest children? Ask your mom."

"You could make a whole biopic about my life using only the infomercial footage of people unable to perform simple tasks for no reason."