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Joke of the Day

"What do you get if you cross a sheep and a kangaroo? A wooly jumper!"

"How can you tell if a monster has a glass eye? When it comes out in conversation."

"My wife's a ventriloquist, which means she has the ability to complain about having to give me a blowjob whilst actually giving me a blowjob."

"Do you know why... ...they bury lawyers 10 feet under, instead of the usual 6 feet under? Because ""deep down"" they're good people."

"Is it rude to give a copy of photoshop at a baby shower? It's just that I know what both parents look like they're gonna need it."

"What should be done in case of apparent drowning? Take the parent out of the water"

"There was this cute girl next to me and I missed a lot of obvious signals... We both ended up dying from the car crash."

"I was asked what I would give the man who has everything... Well, my phone number for a start."

"If I could have been any Monarch in history I would have been George the 6th But with asthma. That way I could introduce myself by saying I'm King George... and Wheezy."

"ME: [in santa costume, covered in chimney soot] that was hard. how does santa do it WIFE: well santas not real, hun ME: [drops cookie] WHAT"