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Joke of the Day

"My wife's a ventriloquist, which means she has the ability to complain about having to give me a blowjob whilst actually giving me a blowjob."

"Why don't women need watches? There's a clock on the stove."

"For her birthday, my wife asked for something that went from 0 to 200 in under 6 seconds... I got her a scale."

"Why did the cave hate miners? They're always picking on him."

"How do lesbians celebrate special occasions? They eat out."

"will you marry me? no, marry Christmas!"

"Not totally sold on astrology, but Libras DEFINITELY hate it when you throw a bucket of paint on their car."

"A midget walks into a doctors clinic carrying a sword Doctor: Gerald! What's gotten into you man? Midget: Sorry, I feel a little Sikh."

"My son: ""Dad what's a douche bag?"" Me: see that guy sitting with his friends wearing a Bluetooth?...."

"And the LORD said "" Come forth and receive eternal life"" John came fifth and received a brand new toaster"