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Joke of the Day

"Buying my parents' house. Soon, like so many of the 'ladies' here... I too will be a middle aged man tweeting from his mom's basement."

"What doesn't belong in this list : Meat, Eggs, Wife, Blowjob? A. Blowjob: You can beat your meat, eggs or wife, but you can't beat a blowjob."

"I walked briskly to the nearest safe haven as I was being chased by the hood on my jacket."

"They say you learn alot from your first relationship Ya! That's why i'm not having a second"

"How many Vietnam veterans does it take to screw in a light bulb? YOU WOULDN'T KNOW SON YOU WEREN'T THERE!!"

"What do you call a psychiatric patient who is afraid of doors? Unhinged"

"Why does the Little Mermaid wear seashells? Because B-shells are too small, and D-shells are too big."

"Terrorists are so slutty They'll blow on the first date"

"[OC] What did Remus Lupin say to Nymphadora Tonks? I'm a-lookin'... And I'm a lycan."

"All refugees are terrorists. (that's the punchline) (No that's actually the punchline)"