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Joke of the Day

"Donald Trump will make America Great Again... ... he's already grating on me!"

"Contest in a girl's college write a short story which contains religion, sex and mystery. Winner's story Oh god I am pregnant I wonder who did it"

"What snake do get when cross a calculator with a steam engine? A puff-adder"

"I hate that random song you hear in the morning and gets stuck in your head all day long."

"What's the difference between the Titanic and Kim Kardashian? The number of people who rode the Titanic is known."

"[wakes up next to perfectly crocheted sweater with knitting needles in hands] Oh dear god not again"

"Police officer: Excuse me but your dog has been chasing a man on his bicycle. Dog owner: Are you crazy? My dog can't even ride a bicycle."

"Pretty arrogant of Red Delicious Apples to put ""delicious"" in their name. Like calm down. You're still just an apple. You ain't no prize."

"What happens when you plant a sesame seed? Does a sesame grow? What is a sesame? Where my botanists at? Where the hell am I?"

"I love dating umpires. I always feel safe."