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Joke of the Day

"Whenever I shut down my computer, it asks, ""Are you sure you want to shut down your computer?"" Then I wonder if it knows something I don't."

"I don't know why they invite me to an Easter egg hunt, then freak out when I turn up in camo gear with my rifle."

"Whats the difference between me and a calendar? A calendar has dates."

"Alcohol because no great conversation ever started over a salad !"

"Q: How many bassoonists does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Only one but they'll insist on going through about 5 bulbs before they find one that suits this particular room and situation."

"Saw a friend really drunk last night so I took his car keys from him. Felt good, he was so drunk I doubt he remembers who stole his car"

"I wrote ""except zombies"" on my welcome mat so I know I'll be safe during a zombie apocalypse."

"I don't make jokes I just watch the government and report the facts."

"Green Lantern That name has a nice ring to it"

"banned from the horse lovers facebook page again for unloading a litany of ableist slurs on photo of a shetland pony"