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Joke of the Day

"The police almost arrested a man for wanking to a caution sign. But he got off with a warning."

"Um, guys, whaddya do with a 5 y.o. at an aquarium who's hysterical because she sees Dory in a tank and I kind of need to know right now."

"Minions.3D.BluRayRiP.4K.aXX0.torrent Talk like a pirate day"

"My friends were deciding how much alcohol to get... One of them wanted one fifth and another one wanted to get five fifths. We decided on a 3/5ths compromise."

"I don't care which way you swing, guy wearing a Tapout t-shirt & Capri pants, but you've GOT to make a choice."

"It's a beautiful day to sit outside and stare into your phone."

"What should you do if you see a vicious dog? Hope he doesn't see you."

"Clubbing I never have a good time going out to clubs. I can't seem to hit on any girls. All my friends pay to get in and hopefully leave with a one night stand. I pay to stand for one night."

"What are the two best arguments against democracy? Donald Trump & Hillary Clinton"

"What do you get when you cross a dyslexic agnostic who has insomnia? A person who stays up all night wondering whether or not there is a dog."