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Joke of the Day

"Man insisted on pumping my gas. Didn't turn into an euphemism until he squirted all over the side of my car & asked if that's how I like it."

"My new girlfriend lets me lick anything off her and I love it. Butter, jam, cheese, you name it she lets me lick it off her. She's a cracker."

"Eggs. Dyed for our sins."

"You can tell a lot about a person just by noticing how they continue to talk after you've sighed six or seven times."

"Did you hear about the wooden horse? Wooden poop."

"Why did the chicken cross the basketball court? Because he heard the Ref was blowing fowls!"

"Did you know... Did you know that Stevie Wonder has been paying child support for kids he's never seen?"

"A vegan, an atheist, and a CrossFit enthusiast walk into a bar. I only know because they wouldn't shut the fuck up about it."

"Its pretty annoying how women complain about having 1 baby in their stomach I have like a million in my ballsack and im not complaining."

"I typed ""Missing medieval servant"" into Google... But it just came up with ""Page not found""."