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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the man that slept on corduroy pillow? No? I'm surprised, it made headlines!"

"Autocorrect just changed my kissy face emoji to ""stop it you're 37"" then powered down my phone."

"Cop: You were speeding so I'm going to be giving you a ticket Me: Ooh, could I win something Cop: Sort of, 2 more of these & you get a bike"

"Why is the UK suddenly a happy place? Because now they too have a day to light fireworks on!"

"Batteries have a tough life. They're either working or dead."

"What do you call a pile of kittens? A Meow-tain"

"*stares into distance* Distance: Please stop staring. It's rude."

"I was just casually strolling down the street... and suddenly when I looked up, I saw a baseball getting bigger and bigger, and I was wondering why that was. Then it hit me."

"""my dad could beat up your dad"" we're brothers you idiot *cut to dad stepping on rake, knocking himself out*"

"What's the difference between your sister and a washing machine? A washing machine only takes one load at a time."