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Joke of the Day

"TIFU when my HS friends and me tried to pull a prank on a substitute teacher wrong sub"

"A guy asks his grandmother... ""Granny, have you seen my pills, they're marked LSD"". Granny replies, ""Fuck the pills, have you seen the dragon in the kitchen?!"""

"I was a trampoline salesman Off and on."

"I walked into the Urgent Care bathroom and read a sign that said ""Nothing other than Toilet Paper in the Toilet"" So I Shit on the floor and flushed the toilet paper."

"What do you get with breaking news? News casts"

"A sheep, a drum and a snake fall down a cliff Ba - Dumm - Tss"

"What do Tiger Woods and baby seals have in common? They both get clubbed by Norwegians..."

"*turns on the news* I wonder if things are getting better in the wor-- tv: AN ALLIGATOR ATE A BABY"

"Q: How do you make a witch itch? A: Take away her W."

"I'd say Blair Walsh is kicking himself right now... But he was probably wide to the left."