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Joke of the Day
"Why can't a bicycle stand on its own? Because its two tired."
Next Joke
"This afternoon I just relaxed on the couch and masturbated. The psychiatrist took a lot of notes."
"My daily affirmation before work goes something like this: ""I enjoy receiving a paycheck."""
"I think my friend's new bowl is really a colander He told me a long story about how he uses it for mixing, but it doesn't hold water."
"Be back in a few days. Gotta shave my legs for spring. But, before I go, what's the best way to sharpen hedge trimmers?"
"Never get on one knee for a girl who won't get on two for you ( )"
"The Past, Present, and Future walk into a bar... It was tense."
"The ex hasn't moved out yet. To make her uncomfortable I left a new box of condoms out on the table. She retaliated with a pregnancy kit."
"The silent ""p"" and ""s"" in ""Corps"" are why I have hardcorps trust issues."
"How do you get Dick from Richard? You ask him nicely."