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Joke of the Day

"The Past, Present, and Future walk into a bar... It was tense."

"What's gray and all around? Everything. I'm a dog."

"yes ladies i have a black belt. its a black leather belt from Marshalls. [i flinch as a bird flys by] you girls wanna get some lunch?"

"I had sex with a prostitute last night... It turned out to be a rash decision."

"An art thief gets caught after a heist, how so? Many people saw his Van Gogh from the scene of the crime."

"You won't be hearing from me for a while. I'm being investigated for stealing swimming pool inflatables.... I gotta lilo."

"I wish I could replace my central nervous system with a central confidence system."

"[emergency room] ""We need to put pressure on the wound!"" [to wound] We've been together 6 months now, I think we should move in together"""

"*1st time at gym* *picks up weight* how do i equip this *steps on treadmill* can i get exp on here *taps huge guy* do you sell mana potions"

"Q: What is Iraq's national bird? A: Duck."