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Joke of the Day

"Have you heard about the constipated math teacher? He worked the problem out with a pencil. On a sheet of paper."

"The best thing I ever did was install a fake doorbell. Now no one ever knocks on my door."

"What do you get when you cross a leopard and a camel? A fireside rug you can get a good hump on. Source: Jo Brand on QI S3; Cat's Eyes"

"If Miley doesn't get her shit together, all these Hannah Montana collectibles are never gonna get my kids through college"

"Why were the inventors of the airplane correct in thinking they could fly? Because they were Wright."

"A skeleton walks into a bar.. Something something beer and mop.."

"Bet you I can guess how much she weighs. She's about one... FAT BITCH!"

"if ur ever in a scary movie situation and find that the phone cords been cut just act like the phone still works thatll confuse the bad guy"

"It was pretty hard to find a cheap way to get our son circumcised... ...But in the end we pulled it off."

"A guy once told me life's too short to stress, but it turned out that life's much shorter for people who give advice to stressed out people."