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Joke of the Day

"Tolkien once wrote a novel set in an office... It's titled, ""And My Fax""."

"A pirate walks into a bar with a ships wheel down the front of his pants. The bartender says, ""Hey mate, what's with the wheel?"" The pirate responds, ""Arg, it's driving me nuts!"""

"I love the smell of fabric softener through the outside vents when people do the laundry. I get a lot of restraining orders though."

"Why should we make Gabe Newell president? There won't be any World War 3. \#gaben2k16"

"When I was a kid I was so afraid of being kidnapped until my mom assured me there was no way in Hell anyone would ever want to take me."

"Which operetta make the Gorilla crack up? Nutty Marietta!"

"You're like the menstrual cramp and bloating of people."

"Ooop, you spit-talked on me. I'm just gonna pretend nothing happened and freak out inside my mind."

"Hipster farmers don't harvest crops because they're only cool when they're underground."

"What's a pirates FAVORITE letter? *They ALWAYS say Rrrrr* ""You'd think its Rrrrr but it's the sea they love"""