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Joke of the Day

"A pirate walks into a bar with a ships wheel down the front of his pants. The bartender says, ""Hey mate, what's with the wheel?"" The pirate responds, ""Arg, it's driving me nuts!"""

"My kids constantly yell at me whenever I try take their pictures, and I tell 'em: ""You're gonna need them in 20 years for your Throw Back Thursdays updates""..... whatever!!"

"Two deer at a gay bar Two deer walk out of a gay bar. One turns and says to the other, ""I can't believe I just blew thirty bucks in there."""

"The most massive object of our entire supercluster Hey, you're like the Great Attractor Thanks man No I mean like you're the heaviest thing in the known universe"

"My ass is a better cook than me because... At least what it makes is supposed to taste like shit."

"What's it called when you get a boner at a funeral? (NSFW) Mourning wood."

"To all the Moms: ""Happy Mothers Day""! And to all the Dads: ""Happy Sunday.. Mother FuKers""!!"

"How do you get a dog to stop humping your leg? ...pick it up and suck it's dick."

"Newtown's First Law (OC) Newtown's First Law: For every crisis, there is an opportunistic power-grab by the government to trade freedom for 'security'."

"What animal do psychiatrists bring in to mental hospitals to help patients with social anxiety? Squirrels; they're the best at getting nuts out of their shells."