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Joke of the Day

"Joke - I asked God I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness."

"2night's funniest bit: a fellow comic enters the room &, given a choice between talking w/ me & w/ a homeless man, chooses the homeless man."

"Starting a conversation Do you know how heavy a polar bear is? Enough to break the ice. *winks*"

"Do you remember blowing bubbles when you were a kid? He's back in town and wants your number."

"So, a man with a baby newt on his head walks into a barber's... And says, ""Short back and sides, axolotl off the top."""

"My grandfather's favorite joke Q: How do you make a Peking Duck? A: Throw a brick at him. As my grandfather would say, ""That's as funny as a crutch."""

"How did the florist act after getting her dream job? Got so excited she wet her plants."

"I like long walks away from everyone"

"So I found out about this huge magnet near my house. It's called a Walmart and it pulls all the fat people in my town close to it."

"When your coworker tells you they are getting a divorce a high five is not the right answer. Or so I've been told. Twice now."