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Joke of the Day

"2night's funniest bit: a fellow comic enters the room &, given a choice between talking w/ me & w/ a homeless man, chooses the homeless man."

"I spilled coffee over my keyboard, so I spent all day asking letters from my employees. ""Give me a ""g"" ""Give me an ""h"" They hate me now."

"I heard Donald Trump has read a lot of different books.. ..Apparently for the most part he never made it past Chapter 11."

"what sex position produces the ugliest children? ask your parents"

"Economists say the recession ended last year. Good to know. I'll bring that up at the dinner table tonight over our single bean."

"The difference between shit and oh shit: A boy mistakenly sends a love letter to the brother's girlfriend. Shit! Girlfriend's brother happens to be lesbian. OH SHIT!!"

"What did the optimist say to his doctor when he found out he had lung cancer? ""Well, I'll deal with this asbestos I can!"""

"Guns don't kill people Bullets do"

"Dear Algebra, Don't make us find your X. She is never going to come back, And don't ask Y."

"Hubby has an alarm app where you can record your own sounds or music to wake up to. I just changed his to ""THE HOUSE IS ON FIRE!!!"""