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Joke of the Day

"DAE keeps struggling with fitting their shopping cart into a row of parked shopping carts? Apparently you first have to remove your daughter."

"A talking penguin walked into a bar and the bar tender said: ""Hey, we don't usually get a lot of talking penguins."" And the penguin responded: ""Well, no wonder - at these prices!"""

"If your ringtone is a Black Eyed Peas song you have 4 seconds to answer before the entire office throws their stapler at you."

"HumansTM they start off corded but convert to wireless easily"

"What did the artist ask Shakespeare when he was sketching his portrait? 2B or not 2B?"

"I hate when I put food in the microwave and it starts making explosive noises so I check and it's still cold. Why you gotta be so childish?"

"I'm at home eating grape jelly. That shit is my jam."

"If you are Russian on your way to the bathroom and Russian when you get out, what are you in the bathroom? Puttin."

"You know what they say about killing bees... It's a real buzzkill."

"I had a pet owl that like to sing songs to me... ...it was really a hoot."