220489

Joke of the Day

"""Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, & nothing but the tru-"" I choose dare, your honor ""Bailiff, please hi-five the defendant"""

"You know, after all these years, I hardly remember the first girlfriend I had. I remember she was Muslim, but physically, all I can recall are the beautiful hazel eyes Jihad."

"Why shouldn't you carry two half dollars in your pocket? Because two halves make a whole (hole) and you could lose your money."

"Bank robber: EVERYONE BE CALM AND NO ONE GETS HURT Guy from back of room: IM DATING UR EX WIFE BR: [sobbing] ok only one person gets hurt"

"Seems hypocritcal that we allow women who could be on there period at any given time on TV,but we make fun of a man 4 a fart, goes both ways"

"Boss: this project is moving along at a snail's pace!! *silence* Todd the snail: This is bullshit *spends 3hrs storming out of meeting*"

"What do you call an snobbish Mongolian ruler going down the stairs? A condescending Khan descending."

"Knock-Knock Joke given to me by a Star Wars fan Knock Knock Who's There? Metaphors Metaphors who? Metaphors be with you"

"Where the hell were these teachers that bang their students when I was in high school?!"

"What do Canadian girls hate? Aboooooooooty call."