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Joke of the Day

"*presses wheelchair accessible button* *rolls 5 year old in on dolly restrained like Hannibal Lector* ""We're here for a haircut."""

"Why did the man with no hands go to the doctor? Because he didn't feel well."

"If your gift says ""from Mom and Dad"" you just know Dad has absolutely no idea what's inside it."

"Spilled my bottle of sleeping pills, and now they're wide awake."

"What's the difference between a lazy overeater and a flirtatious emo? One is Sloth the Gluttonous the other is Goth the Sluttiness. Yep made that up on the way home today... Sorry."

"What did the mountain climber name his son? Cliff"

"What's the gift that keeps on giving? AIDS"

"Do you know why cannibals won't eat clowns? Because they taste *Funny*"

"Make like my dick... and fuck your mother."

"Relationship status: Negotiating with the dog to lease space in his flat."