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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend wanted me to be more flirtatious... So I said, ""I want to make you the 'U' in 'TIFU'"""

"Accidently played dad instead of dead when I encountered a bear. Now it can ride a bike without training wheels."

"Did you hear the Energizer bunny got arrested? He was charged with battery."

"Why did the Mexican man throw his wife out the window? *Tequila*"

"I don't eat animals because I object to how poorly they are treated and raised. Which is why I eat well-loved children."

"Why did Nixon never drive on the highway? Because he always took the low road."

"I participated in a trigonometry competition I got secant place."

"How do you get a fire started? You burn some fagots Look up the definition before commenting/down voting..."

"I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry."

"""LOL, NOPE"" -Me, 25 seconds into the marathon"