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Joke of the Day

"Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump are together in a lifeboat in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. No land in sight. No ships in sight. Who survives? The American people."

"Trying to get this hot girl at the bar jealous, so I'm slow dancing & making out with a potted plant. It's working, she's been staring at me"

"Jay-Z puts down his phone and rolls his eyes. ""The wife."" ""I hear that!"" says Kanye, trying do the same but accidentally going cross-eyed."

"If you ever fart in public, just yell, ""Turbo power!"" and walk faster"

"why didn't the young bald eagle need a chaperone? he already had super-vision."

"How does a woman show she's planning for the future? Plastic Surgery."

"PASTOR: and the lord said unto uscan u stop please? it's very distracting ME: [bouncing up & down on yoga ball] i don't think he said that"

"What do you do with a camel that won't move ...Camel tow it"

"So the Pope joined twitter so he can ""Reach out to a younger generation."" He is certainly not the first Catholic to have done that."

"I can't wait for Kim Kardashian to get old"