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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between alcoholism and a lobotomy? I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy."

"Daisy who? Knock knock Who's there? Daisy. Daisy who? DAISY ME ROLLIN, THEY HATIN"

"Just ate a Hot Pocket filled with pasta alfredo because my body is a landfill and I don't ever want a husband"

"How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Its a really obscure number, you've probably never heard of it"

"GF: I'm leaving with the kids if you don't stop pretending our house is a hospital ME: That'll be great, we really need the beds"

"I was lying in bed yesterday... I looked up and saw the beautiful night sky, the moon, and the stars. Then I wondered... Where the fuck is my roof?"

"I swear, if the paper were better quality, I would wipe my ass with all these fucking reports I have to print out all the fucking time"

"After Oprah lost all that weight....... .....she was just a Phantom of the Oprah!"

"There are 10 types if people in the world Those who understand binary and those who don't"

"Husband says to his wife ""you're always pushing me around and talking behind my back!"" She says ""what do you expect? You're in a wheelchair."""