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Joke of the Day

"Life is going pretty good for me lately I guess. I just got a booty call last night. It was from life. Apparently it still wants to fuck me."

"""We need a solid plan to defeat ISIS."" Galaxy Note 7: I have an idea"

"Relationship advice: Find someone who likes (or dislikes) the same amount of air-conditioning as you, and stick with them."

"My kid's insults to each other: ""you have fat lips like Momma."" ""well, you have a big butt like Momma. Thanks, kids."

"The midget vampire woke up from his 100-year slumber His first words were: ""Huh... I'm a little stiff""."

"Sometimes an unfollow can be so therapeutic."

"What do you call a man with his arm up a horses butt? An Amish mechanic."

"Note to self: Next time your migraine specialist asks ""How's your head?"" Don't reply with ""No man has ever complained."""

"I turned my hobby into a job - George, Gynecologist"

"[2005, youtube's first pitch meeting] ok so basicaly its like if america's funniest home videos was on 24 hrs a day on evrey computer-- SOLD"