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Joke of the Day

"just when you think life is going okay, you get the new guy at Subway"

"I got good news and bad news The bad news is there's no good news. The good news is... well I just told you. OR The good news is there's no bad news. The bad news is... well I just told you."

"I wish someone would hold me and tell me that everything is gonna be okay and then just kinda turn into like $20,000 in cash."

"A grasshopper walks into a bar....... And the bar staff said to the grasshopper "" theres a drink named after you "" The Grasshopper replied "" theres a drink called bob?! """

"People think I'm a good listener but I'm really just solid at nodding"

"This guy thinks I'm taking down his number, but I'm really just writing this tweet."

"So i stole this joke from I Love Lucy, So a woman walks into a restaurant The woman says to the waiter, ""Two pork chops, and make them lean."" And the waiter says, ""Yes, ma'am. Which way?"""

"ME: when I was 12 I got the flu so bad I had to be in the hospital GUY WHO TRIES TO ONE-UP EVERY STORY: oh yeah? when I was 13 I died"

"I'd totally shake what my momma gave me but abandonment issues aren't really a tangible physical manifestation....."

"What sound does a turkey now make? Coup."