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Joke of the Day

"For Halloween I'm dressing up as a plate. Girls love to do dishes."

"Little boy: ""daddy, I want to be a Men's Rights Activist when I grow up"" Dad: son, don't grow up to be an irritating wuss"

"I don't understand all the excitement over Usain Bolt I finish in under ten seconds all the time."

"I'm Skyping your mom right now I've got both monitors up so she can fit."

"I wanna kiss you on December 31st from 11:59 pm to 12:01 am, so I can have an amazing ending to 2012 & a beautiful beginning into 2013."

"Harambe memes have lost their popularity since the election... People's attention moved away from the death of a gorilla to the election of an orangutan!"

"Dogs have 10 expressions for ""I love you! I love you!"" and cats have 10 for ""I hope you die slowly in a fire but feed me dinner first."""

"ALERT At 9:20am, I lost an apostrophe. Last seen in the word ""Let's"". If you see it, please send it home. Its tweet misses it."

"I don't think I'd be as calm as Billy Joel was in that song if an old man was sitting next to me making love to his tonic and gin."

"What do you call a bunch of black dudes in a shed... Antique garden tools."